#Kink negotiation checklist for free

But there’s no shame at all in doing some of the preliminaries in writing. Is having those early negotiations face to face too hard? Do you find yourself getting tongue-tied trying to talk about the things you want to do? Don’t underestimate the power of getting the conversation moving in written form… even if you live together! You’ll have to move face to face eventually if you want to actually do the kinky fun. Tool #4: Instant Messengerįacebook, WhatsApp, Signal or even boring old text messaging.

When you’ve established you have some compatible kinks and are wanting to get down to playtime, this sheet suggests talking points and cuts straight to the core of the things you need to know in order to have a safe, sexy and satisfying play session. The Yes/No/Maybe list is wonderful, but it’s also LONG. Tool #3: Pervocracy’s ‘Concise Kink Worksheet’ Maybe have a list with a column for each of your answers, side by side, to assist your scene negotation? You can even edit it as you explore and your limits evolve and change. …Or any other browser-based shared editing system! This is a great way to share a checklist and compare answers easily. This one is ridiculously thorough and even includes a 0-5 scale for rating how into something you are. (Ask me how I learned what “figging” and “rimming” are.)

Either way it’s a brilliant tool to get discussion flowing, figure out what kinks you have in common, and maybe discover some brilliant new activities you didn’t know existed. You can either go through it together, or do them separately and then swap to compare. You go through and mark each activity as “YES I like that/want to do that,” “NO I don’t like that/want to do that,” or “MAYBE I would be open to trying that under specific circumstances”. It’s essentially a huge list of different sexy and kinky activities.

#Kink negotiation checklist for free

There are dozens, if not hundreds, of these available for free on the internet. Tool #1: A really good Yes/No/Maybe checklist Pick and choose the bits that work for you. You can adapt these for a new relationship, a changing relationship, or even exploring something new with the person you’ve been married to for twenty years. So, in the spirit of this and my unending geekery, I thought I’d share with you my favourite tools for aiding with your kinky and sexy negotiation. Will you have a contract? Do you need a checklist? What exactly does a negotiation sound like?

You’ll come back to this over and over again in your relationship. Submissives have the right to, and should, ask why a rule/task/ritual is being put in place and both sides should have the freedom to disagree, suggest other things, and make sure their needs are being met. It can be that, sure, but mostly it’s just the conversation you have to figure out what kind of D/s relationship you want for yourself.

People read the word “negotiation” and imagine some sort of back and forth thing around a table in a formal way. Today’s prompt was all about negotiation! Kayla and John have this to say on the subject: I’m celebrating #KinkMonth by writing articles inspired by Kayla Lords’ brilliant 30 Days of D/s project. Like, seriously, I am always looking for new tools and hacks to make this stuff better and easier. If there’s one thing you should have learned about me if you’ve followed me on social media or read my blog for any amount of time, it’s that I am a geek about all things sex, kink and relationships.